Passive or Active

Somebody who has read my Blog questioned me  ” Hey Yoshi, So, you mean to live reactive,  Passive Life ?

Where is your independence or individuality and its own active choice ?”

The one’s own individuality or So-called Self is an imaginary notion.  It is an abstracted idea.

You have to see it in reality in clear eyes.

——————–

OK, so, if you want to create something new as an artistic creation (or new technological invention, what

so ever )—– what is the resources you got and the origin of the idea or imagination ?

Are they purely your own creation / invention ?

—– The seeds of the idea or concepts were given and placed long time ago, even unconsciously.

We are just picking  one or two of them and re-arranging (in what we believe) in our logics.

But those idea, logics themselves are also the result of the accumulated wisdom.  They are not our

invention.—— In fact, this is the way what we are processing our thinking, nothing new there.

When we suddenly struck by  !!! and get superb idea, it might be triggered by the particular

external situation or internal re-arrangement / configuration of the knowledges which  were

already there too.   And this is how we inspire.

So that,  re-configure all the resources in one’s unique way, we like to think

” It was my invention / creation ” —– though it was in fact, only a given opportunity.

———- And we Buddhist understand or interpret it,  It was given by the Dharma,  since those

mechanisms are almost invisible and beyond the human comprehension therefore it must be

placed by the supreme power, the wisdom of the Universe.

The one’s seemingly active creativity is nothing other than  passively receiving and accept the

Dharma’s suggestion and its rules.  (Divine inspiration works far better.  Have look around  😀  )

——————–

When I got the idea ” I should go west and listen organ music ” was not my idea but the order of the Dharma.

And I just accepted as an imperative and diligently followed it.

——— Do you think was that wrong ?     Did I wasted my time or lost anything ?

Far from it,  I learned and gained unmeasurable  value of experience.

Pay enough effort while expect nothing (by  Mushin ), would bring unexpected reword

I like this Paradox in Buddhism. This is the way, we can achieve the life’s maximum Potential.

Mushin ( No Mind )

While looking back and analyzing the circumstances of the extremely lucky coincidence

which I described in the post “J, S, Bach”, how I was given the chance to meet the organist,

Prof; Helmut Walcha, I came to the conclusion, the contributory fact seemed to be my very attitude

for that organ pilgrimage.

I did the said pilgrimage absolutely no purpose, or for any personal gain.   So that, other than

few  photos of the organs, there wasn’t any attempt to make such as the sound recordings.

I bumped a Japanese Radio Producer working in NHK (Japanese equivalent of BBC) at a church in Paris

who said ” It shame if you had made sound recordings, it would make good music program” though

such idea was completely out of the scope.   I just wanted to listen the music, that’s all.

Its mean,  there was no Ego,  only the Music of  J,S,Bach existed there.

——————–

This absolute Mushin (since as I have distinguished the difference between Mushin and

the misconceived  idea of so-called Selflessness,  I’ll use this word instead ) was the very distinctive,

peculiar state of the mind then, and it must be the reason why the Dharma rewarded me with good luck,

otherwise such coincidence was too good to be true.

This must be the reason why Zen never ask the followers to believe any story or even the teachings

itself but just achieve the Mushin and live  with absolutely no intentional thought, even a conscious

of ” I’m doing Zen” — only in such Ego less state of the mind and the life, the Dharma prevail itself.

( If I resort that idea of Double Layer,  of cause my upper Layer, Rational Thinking was working, as I had to

find the train to go to particular town and the Church etc,  I needed to deal with all the task though,

the Deeper Layer, fundamental drive ” Why Do I need to Do”  had no Ego,  took as imperative and

automatic.  It was the same situation like in the mountain,  we need to keep walking without question)

——————–

When I did that Pilgrimage, I didn’t have enough understanding of  Zen, let alone any belief of the Dharma.

(I was still a young man.  Only few months after I met Master Kogetsu in the Eihei-ji Temple )

But I can definitely say , there was no purpose or any special intention behind of my journey ——- it

happened almost by chance, and this completely open, Mushin was able to touch with the Dharma and

invited the good coincidence to meet Prof; Walcha.

This is the very Panja Paramita of the Buddhism, hidden mechanism of the Dharma.

Direct Transmission at work

Something amazed me is, soon after I put the words

” Spread your hands wide, embrace the world”  This is the Dharma. (at [ Selfless —What ?] )

I started to receive Emails which saying  ” This is the best / most impressive expression you ever made

in your blog “——— m m m.  (what about another 50 odd posts ? ——Ha Ha Ha, I should be humble )

I know many of my  friends are quietly reading my blog without putting comment publicly still

advising me to correct my pigeon English.

Yet I didn’t know they are reading my blog in such timing,  soon after I have put it up.

——————–

What impressed me even more is, the response from those readers.

The expression  ” Spread your hands—”  was the  Zen Direct Transmission.

( It is only the Action.  No Notion contained there.  Yet, it conveys direct Message to strike subconscious)

If you read that  paragraph in the post, you may find,  I was rather tired to write in the words, as I was

the one kept saying ” Stop talking, stop thinking, just do it —-” , so I changed the tact at that moment.

———- And it worked straight.

Non of those friends are practicing Buddhist,  and if they know anything about the Zen, it may only learned

from my blog,  yet still they grasped the meaning of the Dharma straight.

Yes,  Direct  Transmission does  work. —– This is the living sample.

——————–

Learning from the suggestion ” Detached from Emotion “, ” Apathetic ” etc,  some  people could  reach to

the deep understanding.——-By this Detachment, it exposes the soft tissue of  Subconscious.

Let the most sensitive sensory to work, (Zen Master called this Shin-gan / Eyes of Heart) ——and able to see

the meaning behind.  Like them, even non  Zenist could  able to notice the significance of that expression 

spread the hands, and  able to respond to it at once.  This is the Zen.

By the Apathetic eyes and the mind,  they could open their deepest Pathos.  ( Paradox again )

This is the Buddhism and  Zen at work.

Selfless—-What ?

”  Misunderstanding of  Selfless  in the Western  Buddhism “

My career in the Buddhist’s talking is only 10 months long.  I’ve lived my life just as my life and

I just happen to be a Zen Buddhist.——- I didn’t find any needs to talk about other than make a joke.

One of the reason why I didn’t talk about is (any how nobody likes religious talk ) I didn’t know

the existence of this kind of talking forum.

So that I was not familiar with the Technical term  / Jargon of the Buddhists  in English.   Nor, what is

the Western style Buddhism.———- (all of my Zen books and Mantras are in Japanese )

Then what I discovered is, especially from  the criticism against Buddhism  which says

” Killing (or sacrifice ) the Self is no good for the human nature.”

The cause of this misunderstanding seemed to came from the choice of the translation, the word  SELFLESS.

In the East, this Buddhist’s term has been understood as  No Mind  (Wu shin in Chinese,  Mu shin in Japanese)

since, Mind often causes too much thinking (hence indecisive, and too slow) or wrong thinking under Ego,

so that,  get lid of altogether and leave the matter to the Subconscious wisdom.  (In the concept of  Tsu-nyen

in Chinese or  Ji-nen  in Japanese ——Exist as itself / Bore out from itself / Nature.

Which originated from  Taoism,  this Wisdom  is the deepest original nature of the oneself,  and the wide nature)

And this ” Subconscious wisdom is not from the Self ” is a Buddhist’s concept.  Where else its came from.  Obvious.

Though, from the truth of  Dharma, by which we are a Part of it, This Subconscious wisdom belongs to the Dharma.

(—- So What. It’s a tiring  rhetoric. Spread your hands wide,  embrace the  world.  This is the Dharma. )

——————–

Equivalent of Selfless in Japanese is  Mu shi.  This SHI mean private, or self (antonym of Public)

One of the most well known author in Japan,  Soseki Natsume wrote in his book ” The Gate ”

using the words to describe this state of Mind as Non-Emotion,  away from the matter of the

ownership of the Mind.  ( Though, I haven’t found Who taught Zen to him yet ).

( Just for the sake of convenience I’ve been using  this word  Selfless from the beginning though,

as I repeatedly writing  ” Selfless is not sacrificing a self, far from it, it release the one from

the bondage of the emotional Ego, therefore it liberate and empower the life.”

——————–

As I wrote somewhere,   “—– otherwise  Gynecologist can’t do their business ”    The Buddhist’s Selfless

( in its true form ) is almost same to a  Medical Doctor’s ” Clinical Detachment ” or  Sociologist’s

” Value Free ” —– but its having more universal applications to all aspects of the  life. ——that is why it is

directly connected to the ” Clear Eyes “.  ( Does anybody ever heard a complaint from Doctors or

Sociologists of their occupational hazard, Loss of the Self ?  —– far from it, they are getting the

benefit of it by achieving much higher efficiency in their life.)

The allegation against the Buddhism has been emanated from the misunderstanding of so-called  Selfless,

both by the Buddhists and ignorant Critics. ——- As a matter of fact,  even earliest Buddhists had this

confusion,  as they didn’t have the knowledge of the Subconsciousness.   Thus struggle to define elusive

Mind and the Self,  which was taught by Buddha in metaphor.  Considering the followers and the audiences

of Buddha,  they were not  the scholar or epistemologist, far from it, they are the ordinary people on

the street who never read a book nor familiar with philosophical term (the people who was educated was

the Vedic  Brahman—-antagonist to the Buddha’s teachings) so that the complicated terminology such as in

the Abidhama Cosa Mantra couldn’t be in the Buddha’s words,  therefore  they are all later addition

and the guess-work done by professional monk hundreds of years later.

———- Since we have new insight to the structure of the human mind, we need to have correct

understanding of the so-called  Self,  which Buddha himself had observed then.

——————–

I also wrote somewhere ” To do the practice with absolute obedience ”  is not only the matter

for the Buddhists, it is what the life is.

No one can do  Rock climbing  half-heartedly or no  Surgeon can operates  without concentration.

It needs to have 100 % unconditional commitment.

It will kill the Ego certainly,  but if anyone still cringing to Ego, just leave Buddhism or Operating Theater.

Buddhism is to give the most efficient state of the Mind for the life. Thats all.

Who need to ask more ?

.

Compassion

Summer Visitor / May Fly on piece of Plum

Compassion is, as the word suggest,  it’s the

matter of the passion and the deep feeling.

It is not in the domain of consciously operated

logics or like a coöperation  which need to have

a lots of intellectual deliberation in the brain.

It seems there is a kind of invisible

communications operating behind.

Strange fact is,  as every body knows,  we

still able to distinguish if nice smile,  sweet words are genuine.

Even just looking a face we can see the character and what kind of the person.

I collected  20,000 faces found in the Net, and analyzing such as, why those looks  same 2 faces give

different impression.——- It may emanated from a dormant memory in the Subconscious Data Bank,

even from a genetic memory.  And this invisible communication making us almost automatic reaction,

when someone need a help  we give a hand.

I don’t think this is from the emotion which is entwaind with Ego,  but from much dark depth of the

Spirit ( in fact I don’t like this convenient word —– but as we don’t have suitable word, I just use it

for a convenience) it is like a respect or awesome feeling as to be in kinship of a life form, as its apply

to even to a small insect.  ( Except cockroach !—– they are the evil. —–Without our compassion,

they can thrive and survive even after the extinction of human )  😀

Direct Transmission

Direct transmission is the way to communicate using purely in one’s sensory and put the signal

straight into one’s subconscious / old layer of the data process system, without relying on the word / notion.

(Though this signal can be just a sign.  And this sign trigger the feeling, dormant memory in the spirit).

Especially if the subject is too ambiguous or too complexed, too big to convert to the notion or

even the word is not existing.——( like a word / notion of  Subconscious in the time of Buddha )

Buddhism is the teachings, challenged to tackle such subject, Dharma.

Superficially the meaning of the Dharma has been explained though, it contains too many meanings

and notions therefore too complexed to define,  and its deep meaning in its totality is almost unknowable.

Still, funnily enough, it’s everywhere, hence it is on front of you as everybody is seeing it

and you are a part of it.  This is not an invisible Atomic Sub-particle’s theory.

So that the Buddhist spend hundreds of years to analyzing and trying to define it,  resulting the

mountain of Abidharma Mantras.

——————–

Buddha himself didn’t explain it,  since it is on front of our eyes and can be seen by anybody, yet

unexplainable by the words.—–And make the people to discover its deep meaning by themselves

through the practice, is what he was teaching.———-There was, and still is, no short cut.

So that,  the famous ” Flower Summon ” comes in, ( though, this story only appeared in the

Chinese Mantra ——since they are pretty good in this kind of symbolic expression originated

from the Taoism,  such as the huge blanc space express the rich notion of “Wu” (Mu in Japanese))

———- if you see the Dharma there, this is the Dharma what Buddha meant.

( If you see ” Oh, Master, you decapitated poor flower. You killed it”——– you see a dead flower.  😀 )

———- It is like your stomach up-set.  You know it but you can’t explain exactly what it is in the word.

And only the other who got the same, may know it.  So, to know it you have to bite  onion, plenty of it.

( In  Zen term, blanc white paper may be the expression of the whole Universe,—- or Nothing.

Therefore “Noting” can be the whole existence / the Dharma )——so that,

a small room in the Vimarakirti’s house can accommodate 3000 bikkus. )

Is Dharma Directing Us ? / 8150 Story

By writing this I might be punished though, as Buddha himself said to have prohibited

(in one of the earliest Scripture which was apparently written down from the memories of his words) saying, Never show off,  Never show any Miracle or Magic.

Miracle mean a kind of phenomenon demonstrating a super natural power. —– Though, my parents had been giving the advises to the others,  predicting what would happen over them and advising what to prepare.—— Incredibly those predictions were so accurate, and even a MP had been asking the advice such as the result of the Election, when my mother told, it will succeed, he succeeded and told, it will fail, he lost the seat of the Parliament. ——Funnily enough,  they didn’t use this practice to predict like a lottery win saying, it will not work to anything for an own gain as it got be done in absolute selfless state, its only works to help others.  The prediction to my exams of the Hi-school and Universities were all spot on.  Still I thought it is a mambo-jumbo and it driven me to the science and technology side where everything is visible and logical.

——————–

After left Japan I didn’t communicate with my family 2 years, drifting east to west following the wind, as I thought I was a free agent.  Though, when I happened to return Japan, and heard from my brother ( who believed, I was already dead ) that my mother did know and told him, time to time, where I was and doing what, with incredible accuracy,  I was utterly horrified,  as somebody is watching from above and know everything, even reaching to the other side of the world,

we are inside of the Shakyamuni’s palm,  we can never been a free agent.

——————–

Even though demonstrating those powers,  it seemed my parents were not punished.

So, it would be safe to tell even my story. —–(Still, if this blog suddenly stopped, you know I was dead)  Though, my stories together with so much so FACT, could still be a sheer coincidence, as it couldn’t be replicated or statistically scrutinized,  since the life is only once and couldn’t repeat the same again though, in order to avoid any doubt I’ve been keeping all the facts  with the original exhibits.    🙂

——————–

As I wrote before,  this Blog started in the chain of sheer coincidences,  I realized it must be directed by the power over there, which the Buddhist call  Dharma.   I thought, this might be the time I should  write about what I found in the Buddhism.

But in the same time I had a hidden hope, as the nature of the Internet,  I may able to ask the reader who practicing  Zen, to report me their opinion if they too witnessing the same phenomenon, which may prove in numbers of facts, that the Dharma is indeed there and working.

——————–

To my fellow Zenist.

Please look around your life and check the numbers where ever they appeared.

Bank account, Card No’  Phone No’  Friend’s Phone No’  even a No’ on a shopping Receipt, etc etc.   Is there any pattern of the combination of numbers repeated ?   Such as in my case,  they are the 8150 but in any order, like 8510, 5801- – – – all 24 combinations.

For instance,

* My Bank Account is;  0518xxxx

* My Transport Pass:  xxxx1508xxxxx

* Voda Phone Topup Card; xxxxxx0185 xxxxx

* My subscription number of Electronics Magazine Elektor is  118056

* When I wanted to buy DSLR, I noticed the Post Code of Canon Japan is  146-8051

And the Lens No’ of the Macro lens I bought together is  41805 – – –

* And an Electronic Component Manufacturer  ALPS  who I’ve kept using as they are

pretty close to my family home,  their Post Code is  145-8051

* A  Japano-Brazilian guy who stayed in my place before he went to Japan.

He sent me a letter from  Iga-City  which Post Code was  5180834

* When I needed to buy a Printer, Epson R300, I found the Algos Catalog No’ having this 8150,  so instead I bought Canon, then I found the Box sorting Code of this Printer was 5108

– – – – – – – – I can continue this even hundreds more.

(Since I found the production No’  1058- – – – – on the sugar packet,  I reduced its intake to a half)   😀

——————–

This number follows me where ever I go.

——( I’m not necessary feel comfortable, it’s a real Big Brother )

It is not  simply a good or bad Omen  though, it may indicate  ” I need a lot to do with this, Be careful.”

I have number of friends who got this in Phone No’—-they are very good friend and having contact many years and I’m keep giving advise, still never too close,  and strangely they are all left over f the group once I was associated with (such as the art group).

———- So far I never found any another set of the number repeatedly appear as a pattern.

——————–

A man who  said to be a Numerologist saw this number and told me

” In Japanese reading [ 8150 ] can be pronounced as  Ha-I-Go-Rei 背後霊——Its mean The Spirit Behind.

Spirit is communicating you”—–m m m, Sound pretty spooky !—–(you can search < Haigorei > in the Net)

———I wondered, am I obsessed, or Nuts ?   But I didn’t choose the Number, they just came and happened.

The local Iceland shop having their shop code  0158 —–if it was the case, it seems Dharma did know that I’m moving into this town before I did. ——–Yet still, can such things exist ?  Or is this happening to anybody who is living selflessly ?

If this is the case,  The Dharma is with us or we can not escape, as we are the part of it.

———-

So, if anyone noticed the same kind of phenomenon in your life please tell me.

(Of cause, it doesn’t necessary to be a number game, could be anything peculiar caught in your eyes, as Buddha found this Dharma  without seeing Phone No’ Account No’  there must be another clue)  Of cause, the one would say “Dharma is on front of you, To see it, is the matter of your eyes”

———- though it wouldn’t make the very answer.

———–

PS : In addition, I put two more very clear cases happened since after I put this post.

<<    https://yoshizen.wordpress.com/2010/06/09/cupidon-by-kinetorori/  

<<    https://yoshizen.wordpress.com/2010/07/02/99th-post-seal-of-approval/ 

———–

Most Bizarre Story in Zen — Disco Dancing in ZEN

” Dancing can be a practice for Zen “

This must be the most ( yet I got many ) bizarre story.  You believe or not I was a Disco King.

(This must be the most rare photo of me dancing — taken far later date / Sept 2015 

and it shows Rotating LED and LED flushing pants !)

As I used to take photo of many musicians, one occasion at a rehearsal session, a drummer

complained me, even though they work hard to make their tune unique and new, when it was

played at a gig, everybody dance exactly same to the other.

So, I promised him,  ” I’ll dance as the exact reflection of your tune and show it to you.”

(Here I’m not talking about a kind of common body-shaking in one-two-one-two, regardless

whether the music is 8 beat or 16 beat.  Its got to be much more athletic, expressive movements )

——————–

First I get rid of all the patterned crèche such as typical John Travolta’s or Micheal Jackson style kind.

and resorted to the natural dynamics of the body.  Since its heavy inertia, we can’t shake the bottom in

16 beats (still I met 3 person who can do) so the rhythm of the percussions should be assigned to the steps,

bass drum to the bottom and the melody to the hands.

On the end 3 parts of the body started to move independently in different speed in the same time   🙂

And as the use of natural dynamics of the body,  with its maximum speed, lots of people miss took

my dancing as a kind of Martial Art, and asked me which school is it ?

Funnily enough, one person even asked me, Is it related to a religious practice ?

( This is the back ground of previous post ” Shaolin Martial Art “)

——In my knowledge the Indian Barathnatyam Dance which follows some tradition of the ancient

Dancing Yoga,  exactly synchronizing with the music (in its Tara / drumming pattern and the melody)

So,  I applied this to my dancing.  (My favourite is the German Bass. It is the limit the body can follow)

——————–

Even dancing every weekend,  it took 3 years to achieve this movement.

And during this period,  I noticed, this is the process to learn unconscious body coordination,

same as to learn skiing or riding a bicycle,  and this must be the matter what the Zen said about

the ” Ichijo ” as a sword become a part of the body ( or the sword and the body become one )

and then the Dharma would be prevailed.  (How exiting ! ! ! )

When your body follows the incoming music signal automatically, we don’t need to think what

is the music or how to move.    So, I thought, if I can leave the business to the unconsciousness,

I would be connected to the Dharma. ——– though there was not such simple paradise and

nothing changed in my life. ——– Then, Waite a moment,  I realized,  all the baby has

to learn to walk, and all of them become able to walk unconsciously. 

It is nothing special.

———————–

Still, at least, I got an insight = unconscious or subconsciousness has the Key to decipher the Zen.

——– (And since then many clubs’ owner, manager offered me free entry for my strange dancing.

It was unexpected bonus——but they too, need a prominent dancer who become a talking piece )

(Some of the readers might have seen me dancing in a club called Flex in Hitchin,

Enigma in Maswell Hill, Limelight in Shaftesbury Avenue, Fridge in Brixton

(Escape from Samsara) = in every weekend, continuously up to 5.5 years (for

Fridge) often having with flashing light pendant or trousers.  🙂 ) 

So, I had my 60th Birthday Party at a D & B club (organizer called Movement with DJ Fabio etc) and

invited teens to septuagenarian who never seen my “legendary” dancing.  Ha Ha Ha,

It was a good  laugh.  😀

[]

—

Shaolin Martial Art / BodhiDharma

Somewhere in the Internet, there is a story telling an origin of  Shoaling Martial Art, which

says it was started as Bodhidharma taught an exercise to the lazy monk. ———-m m m ?

I quite doubt this story.

Bodhidharma didn’t come to China to open yet another talking shop.

He came there only to bring the way of the direct transmission.

Bodhidharma came from Southern India where many types of Yoga,

include so-called Dancing Yoga has been widely practiced.

——- As all the Buddhist sect using each unique practice to deepen

and sublimating their teachings as a part of study or training,

the practice is the essential part of the Buddhism’s teachings.

———————

When Bodhidharma came to China, spending three years of harsh

journey, he must have had definite purpose and firm idea what to do in China.

And well-practiced Yoga Guru, he must be an expert to see the Dharma within the ultimate movement of

the Dynamic Yoga. (Which later developed into the Martial Art infused with the local culture )

—— Anybody who practiced the body movement, such as gymnastics, dancing or martial art etc knows,

its technique evolves and skill deepens just by doing it again and again.

And on the end, body gains almost super human like movement, speed, balance, rhythm and harmony.

And all those movements are programmed into the Motor region of the Brain, to do it without thinking,

its mean no Self  there. Most importantly, its potential was there from the beginning as everyone has.

This is exactly the Dharma what Lord Buddha taught.

——- While having a simple life in the Temple as a monk, and watching own body movement

evolves, the awareness to be with Dharma deepens.

This is the very direct transmission of the Buddhism what Bodhidharma

taught in China. —– in there, no words required.  Just Do It.

———-

Legend in China says that Bodhidharma had blue eyes though, I quite doubt it.

While live in London I might have met tens of thousand of people from southern India

such as Tamil people, I never seen even a single blue-eyed dark-skinned Tamil man.

It must be a made-up story to elaborate him, as

Lord Buddha also had a legend having had the blue eyes.  (This must be also false )

[]

Dog Shit

After years of practice, when Zen Master found what is the Zen,

—– as it was simply the detached mind, hence selflessness (Mushin ) and

nothing but ” Just Do It ” with no mysterious secret, ALL of them

described  What is Zen  with rather insulting words, such as ” Its a dog shit”

even  ” Toilet Paper ” (well, equivalent of it — real expression  Shiketsu-kan

is not printable ).

They must felt almost the annoyance ” What all those years’ practice for ? ”

——- This is the beauty and the paradox, even an irony of the Buddhism,

as its says ” Everybody has the Dharma with in ”

—— You see ?  I told you !

This is true, and it is so easy as there is no complication. —– Though,

in real life,simplest thing is hardest to understand, especially to the people

who try to understand.

( Hidden secret here is, to attain selflessness, one has to Re-Program

one’s subconscious through repeated practice, not by thinking, because

higher level of the brain activity has less effect to the subconsciousness )

——————

This is the reason, why people see the Buddhism not as a Religion,

or even as a  Philosophy.

There is no Mambo-Jumbo to believe or worship, hence it is not a Religion.

And no systematic structure of the understanding of the Dharma, but

simply just accept it as it is, hence it is not Philosophy.

——–But on the end, Buddha’s teachings freed the people from their

deluded idea  such as a fear to reborn as a dog , and made them to live

their life with firm confidence and able to live quite creatively.

Isn’t this, what Buddha intended with his teaching ?