Yoshizen's Blog

Desire and Greed (2)

The first moment when I became aware the connection between Zen and the programming

of the subconsciousness (so-called mind-set) was, when I gave up any relation with woman.

It was triggered by two factors appeared on 1987. One was the first report of incurable new disease AIDS

(it didn’t have even a name then) = sexual relation is no longer safe.

And the other was the start of a trouble with a woman who exploited my VISA status by a false registration

of the marriage done in Japan, in order to get new passport and obtained the VISA masqueraded as my wife.

(It took 11 hearing in the High Court to make the Judge to realize it really happened without my knowledge.

—– Japanese Registrar had no way to know whether my signature was genuine or not and the name seal

was mine or false one, woman bought in the stationery shop, which she confessed and astonished the Judge)

(Yet still The Judge who didn’t even know the difference of [Void and Voidable Marriage] made

this to a valid marriage, hence it was brought up to the Court of Appeal)

= I really utterly fed up “Woman is nothing but a trouble” (in addition to this Judiciary is utterly rotten) 😀

(Funny story is, I was told that the trouble with woman will happen, by my mother as she read

my palm when I was 10 years old —– for me,  it sounds just an unscientific mambo-jumbo then)


It caused me not only a deep psychological trauma but the situation itself made any relation impossible.

In order to fight over the validity of the marriage in the High Court and the Court of Appeal, it completely

consumed my time, finance and energy.  All of my friends were even amazed, how I could manage without

braking down.  ( Still,  it was not as heavy as mountain climbing as there may not be a danger of death.

After all, proceedings is the research of precedence and compiling documents = clerical work = Just do it )

—-whether it was my choice or not, I had to follow the situation and

think “I’m not in a position even to think about woman” = it was not a relative matter, but absolute

imperative = (this is so-called Mindfulness) — as this psyche sunk deep down to my subconscious, 

the notion of woman has disappeared and it became a distant land scape.

(Still, they are visually pretty land scape though,

they no longer appeal to my mind / in a sexual context —– then I realized

“Aha, this is the very eyes of so-called Medical Detachment of a Gynecologist” 😀 )


So that, when I was a regular in the Fridge Club, Brixton London (Escape from Samsara), every weekend

for nearly 6 years, I was just dancing there without mixing with cloud.

Many people mistook me as a special security or under-cover policeman even the owner of the club,

because I don’t take alcohol neither drug, never talk with girls (except the bar staff) still always there.

In reality, seeing hundreds of half-naked girls shaking their bottom every week, made me even more

insensitive, if not utterly nauseating.

I was there not just for dancing, but like a zoological researcher to observe male-female behavior.


As a matter of fact, I myself had amazed by this change of psyche.

Since, even the most fundamental instinct could disappear just with a mind-set,  it convinced me

that all the fancy stories in the martial art, sword mastery must be true = they really

able to overcome the fear of the death,  hence able to come closer to hair-line distance to the enemy’s sword.

—– Liberate the mind from the fear, hence able to obtain the ultimate freedom of the movements.

Then all the Zen stories, has started fallen into the places, like the pieces of Jigsaw Puzzle,

and it started to show whole picture of what the Zen is.

Zen is not an ideological / religious mambo-jumbo but a very logical / rational mind engineering.

—– As even the most fundamental instinct / sexual desire could be annihilated, why not any another desire or

the mind.   What is the point to be imprisoned by such desire or being obsessed and become greedy.

We can make ourselves free from any mind, idea or the situation, and able to choose what ever

better to do.   This freedom is the Enlightenment.

(But remember, don’t chose chocolate and junk food 😀 )


SEXUAL Conotation

It is a funny paradox. I always amazed to find that the search term and its wording which end up

here having many sexual connotations.   Its mean I’ve been giving so much disappointment to

those who is expected to find somewhat erotic content here.   Sorry folks   😀

It was not in my intention or tactics to attract the readers but my careless choice of the subjects.

(For instance, when I used the term [xxxx Do] it supposed to mean such as Kendo, Judo, etc.

in general. As I was not familiar with X-rated film kind, I was not aware — to other’s eyes, it can

be construed as “about Do XXX act” Ha ha ha, very funny. 😀 —– my ignorance but too late)


In 1987, when I heard very first news of the new disease from San Francisco which is now known

to be the AIDS,  I noticed that the sexual relation is no longer safe.

And it was the same time when my court case which related to a woman’s exploitation of

immigration loop-hole was started.

(A woman deported from here, fraudulently registered the marriage in Japan using my name

without my knowledge.   The woman admitted that she did it by an instruction of employer, though

the High Court Judge made it valid and granted her quick divorce for her to escape deportation to

Japan where the Police was alerted.  Naturally,  the case was brought up to the Court of Appeal.

Because of the case was too obvious fraud, the President of the High Court came out to suppress the

matter saying “no need to go into the evidence”—– since the evidence in the transcript says

“Marriage is Void” —– He couldn’t go into the EVIDENCE ) —– ( From this evidence, how

High Court Judge Dobly made the marriage valid, reflect the situation in the English justice)

I just gave up any relation.  Woman is nothing but the trouble.

So that the file in my brain to deal with woman was deleted.

The woman became just a part of a landscape, hence its sexual connotation disappeared.

Existence of Genitals doesn’t mean sex —– its sexual connotation is all in the mind.

( of which I’ve been calling  [ OBSESSION ] —– which can be erased )


Anyhow, court case consume a lots of time and a money. Especially in my case, to proceed it myself

as Litigant in Person (without Lawyer, while studying English Law overnight) was hard.

I was simply fallen into the situation,  not able to spare the time or money to a woman.

It was totally out of question.


Of cause the knowledge was still there and able to see or hear what woman says, though it doesn’t

connect to my EMOTION  hence the so-called female sexuality or their sex appeal stop to

appeal to my mind —– they became the matter of  foreign land or different universe.

A funny side effect (?) was, as the receptacle to read sexual context in my mind has been deleted,  I lost

a capability to see the innuendo or meaning of suggestive approach or its signal. (So that, in many

cases, after long time, I suddenly became aware “I see,  she wanted to sleep with me” 😀 )


As a matter of fact, even myself was amazed to see the change of my own perception. And it

made me realize, this must be the condition of mind what the Zen Buddhism is talking about.

Then I gave a thought. Read the books I brought from Japan etc. etc. —– it was an epoch in my

quest to the Zen.   If the mind can be controlled in this way,  in reverse this must be the way to control

the mind in general. (If even a so-called imperative instinct could be negated and completely

disappeared, there can not be any difficulty to control the mind )


Since then somewhat strange 23 years past —– but, it seems it was seen by others even more strange.

Most of all, be in the Club every weekend, seemed to give an impossible puzzle to others.   😀

I was there to perfect my body movement (others call it dancing) nothing else. Though, even a

club owner, manager seemed not able to understand what is the purpose for.   As a matter of fact, I had

the indispensable opportunities to observe the Skinner Box of male-female behaviour ! ! !   😀

And seeing hundred of almost naked young girls shaking their ass every weekend for (just with the

Fridge Club in Brixton — almost 6 years) so many years, I’ve accumulated a collation of body shape, facial

expression and her dancing style and the character —– how to behave, and so on.

But never dance or even talk with them (and never drink alcohol) created funny myth —– such as,

I was the real owner or under-cover detective etc. —– The worst was mistaken as a gay (for their mind,

“if not interested in woman it must be a gay” then start sexual act straight on the spot, hugging from

behind or touch the body while wearing only kinky strings, etc. —– I respect their right to be a gay.

But I have exact the same right not to be sexually harassed by them —– do what you like but

don’t count me in) —– yet still, those facts enforced my view even stronger—-> not all the gay

person was born to be a gay, but became gay by their choice, its mean a drive came from

their thinking = mind-set can change even an inherent, imperative instinct.


To accumulate too much data makes a person insensitive. —– nothing would surprise nor excite.

And having so much data (about woman) made me too casual, or there is no romantic sanctuary left.

So that I might have lost the usual sense to handle the matter with kid gloves, hence I might be

giving an impression to have lots of sexual talk. (Certain extent, it is true 😀 —– when the subject

having no significance to place in the sanctuary, it became just one hilarious subject among the others)

Hence, I just have no boundary or prohibition.


And the reason why I created so many female nude figure was, simply it is easier. —– it is much

more cumbersome to make a dressed figure, using such as wire or metal panel. And if you put big

boobs it became female nude. In comparison, to show the male figure as male, needs to show more

complexed muscles etc. which is harder for the simple material. (Strangely, my Buddha stature has

no muscle, just the bones —– still nobody thought he is no other than Buddha    🙂 )


If you happen to be an unsuspecting,  misguided reader, who unfortunately end up here,

it was mainly caused by the Google’s key-word program —- they literally, pick up a word out of context.

Still, I hope, you had unexpected fun while reading this.     Ha ha ha 😀



Posted in Awareness, Buddhism, Emotion, Mind, Zen by yoshizen on March 15, 2010

I saw some Blogs about the control of Anger or lack of it.

Thinking about the anger,  I don’t remember when I had the opportunity to have one myself last time.

Once I learned how the life is having so many facets or multiple layers,  I became aware how it is

useless to react on the surface situation and get angry.  ( It seems, in my deep psyche I have

reprogrammed to see the cause of anger “As a repulsive object” and not want it to occupy my mind

even a fraction of a second——- it disappear instantly.     So, NO anger bothered my mind ! )

In this rotten world, the expected angry reaction was often exploited to make up a pretext.

It is the usual tactics of the provocation often used by the Police,  even by the Court.


When I proceeded an utterly fraudulent case in the High Court,  the Judgment made by the so-called

Lord Justice ( in fact it was a circuit Judge ) was utterly a fraud.  Though it was not surprise to me as I had

smelled it beforehand, so, when I heard it I grinned and made  ” I beg your pardon ”  with funny voice.

———- I knew,  if anybody exploded  with anger,  the Court can use it as a pretext to make an Order

to ban the person to appear the Court in further proceedings.  ( I took the proceedings as a Litigant

in Person / without the Lawyer —– while studying the English Law over night )

So that to get angry was not an option at all, even though I was utterly disgusted.

During the proceedings the Statutory Right was blatantly violated and the Judgment was completely

against the Expert Evidence.  It was  ” the case never heard of before in 250 years English Legal History ”

kind, so that,  when I proceeded to the Court of Appeal,  the President of the High Court ( as one of the

three Lord Justice ) needed to come out to suppress and  white wash the scandal. ( Very very Funny  😀  )

In order to block the Appeal,  High Court issued an  Order ” Order of no Order”  first ever in the history

which arrived on the day of the dead-line to lodge the Bundle of Document for the Appeal Court.

Even though it was just a piece of paper, as one Order was not incorporated in the chronologically paginated

Documents, the Bundles  became defective, and the Appeal could  be out of time.  Though as it was too

obvious tactics, I applied the extension of the time.  ( Of cause they can’t refuse it, as it is the Law )

( BBC  Joshua Rosenberg  knew this case,  Chanel-4,  all the broad sheet News Paper,  the Liberty,

Amnesty Int’,  Lord Chancellor’s  Dept’  even the then  PM  John Major did know this case, but did nothing )

The Court must be expected me to leave the country together with all the indicting documents.  But, since

it was the first ever the case in 250 years history, it is the imperative to let the world to know.  Its my duty.


I could have been perfectly entitled to explode with anger hundreds of times,  though it was a part of

the game which the other side and the Court were waiting to see ——- it’s  mean,  it was exactly the

last thing of me to do and anyhow, no time left me to indulge with unproductive emotion..

( So,  the President of the ” Honourable  Ancient  Court of  Justice”  needed to say  “It is not necessary for me

to go into the details of the Evidence” ——— of cause  he never able to go into the Evidence as it was

completely opposite.    Ha Ha Ha    😀  ) (When Appeal was lodged and the fact was known to the Judiciary,

High Court Judge Dobry was retired at once, and I haven’t heard the name of the President Stephen Brown

again—— gone to obscurity ?   Seemingly, it was the measure to sweep the scandal under carpet ).


Zen never follow Emotion,  so, no anger, but just follow the duty.   The matter here was not the passing

Emotion  but the continuous Fight which require tenacious effort and  resilient mentality. (It’s wrong to presume

the Buddhist got to be soft touch, easy Let Go people. Look, Dalai Lama, he kept vigorously fighting even now )


If anybody having the trouble to control own anger——- try,  just separate the eye point and watch

yourself as an objective object from the distance ( visualize an image or caricature of yourself )

From the distance, you may able to see the situation much wider——- the cause,  how it’s happened

and the consequence,  the effect of the anger in its issue —— and learn ” It wouldn’t change anything

but make the situation even worse “.

Soon or later,  you will get tired to see own caricature,  and loose the passion to get angry.

Anger is in fact the assertion of the Ego,  when the person encountered the gap between  the own

expectation or self-imposed rule or standard ——- in other words, the person’s authority.

Then  the person should make the question, ” Do I have such authority ?   Am I such Big and Powerful ?

Though, if the person has strong confidence, he ( she ) doesn’t need to have the assertion,  ie; it is the

sign of insecurity.  Here the Paradox of the Buddhism again.   The one who detached from the Ego

has the strongest confidence, therefore doesn’t need to get angry.   Feel strange ?

( If there is no Ego,  there will be nothing to lose. ——– Most courageous action could be taken )

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